Passover Thoughts

It was in my mind to create something special this year for the birth of a new spring. Not that the previous years were separately categorized. Far from it. But more that I had a feeling that more generosity of myself would result in more coming in. Lets call it testing a theory of Buddhism that I'd felt uncomfortable with in the prior month. Guarding myself? I don't know. I suppose I just knew that as April 1 approached that I could let down that which had been a shield against a force that is within me, not outside.

So for one evening 10 of my closest friends and family gathered at the place I am proud to call my home. And I fed them a meal I labored to make. We drank the fruit of the vine and told the stories of those before us who faced much more difficult situations than mine, than ours combined.

It's my belief that all I did was open my heart and choose to give freely of myself and the rest came naturally. Those who could at first not attend had cancellations and came smiling to my doorstep. Those who had been doubtful were quickly fulfilled. Those who came from abroad had expectations made into memories. Together we even managed to capture a few fleeting moments on film.

But the warmth that filled the house filled my heart and filled my head with pleasantries to replace the drag, the doldrums the awkward nauseous silence that had temporarily pushed aside the laughter.

Thanks to all who came. And those who wished to be there. You, too, were in my heart. I am grateful for this. I recognize the moment. I choose to be free & intimate. I choose to grow and succeed. So glad others can share that with me as the flowers are reborn and the sun gathers its strength for the coming spring. Happy Passover. Happy Easter.

Passover Seder, April 2007

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right

This really couldn't be much more perfect. I've listened to it about 5 times in the last 12 hours. Kinda goes hand in hand with my laughter and giant smile at my potential dating scenarios... Thanks Bob Dylan for being a lyrical genius and already expressing what I've been trying to put into words with such wonderful sarcasm and eloquent imagery.

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter, anyhow
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

Thoughts Departing Salt Lake's Splendor

Something amused me this evening
on the flight from Salt Lake,
as I sat next to the brown-haired, 6' missionary
with a lovely smile
and she flirted
the thought occurred:
Does she know anything other than missionary position?
And do I really need another number?!

And then I realized:
I'm pretty much cured.

Or maybe,
it was the club last night
with the oodles of women
with whom there's no guilt.

Or maybe,
it was the realization
that I was looking forward
to returning
for the sake of talking
to those who still see my wonder
and I theirs.

And then another thought made me laugh aloud
in the airport
as I passed by a young couple
and they held hands
but did not smile
the thought occurred:
Thank God I am free of baggage.

I've supplemented my void of complaints with physical actions.
Skiing, snowboarding, running, vinyasa flow, cycling.
I'm a little creaky and there's more left.
I'm a bit weathered and that makes the passion burn hotter.

My physical pain is my own to have and hold, so help me God.
My smile is mine to own and shine outward for all the world to see.
My physique is mine to cherish as long as it shall last.
My peace is mine to share freely, with all the knowledge of the past.

Photos from the Roxy Chicken Jam, March 2007, Salt Lake City, UT

Roxy Chicken Jam, March 2007

Also check out the site I spent 4 long days keeping fresh and live: Roxy Chicken Jam 2007

Apropos Tunes

Music always has more meaning when I'm present. That is, when I'm me. When I'm not distracted by mental chatter or prone to complaint. What have I heard lately that made me sing, dance and generally smile (big)? Well, this time around it's Innervisions by Stevie Wonder. Last year it was Magic Time by Van Morrison. I'd like to say there won't be a next time. But Billy disagrees with me and I'm prone to agree with him.

You're Only Human by Billy Joel
It's not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You're gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It's alright, it's alright, though you feel your heart break
You're only human, you're gonna have to deal with heartache
(You're only human, ooo-ooo)

Just like a boxer in a title fight
You got to walk in that ring all alone
You're not the only one who's made mistakes
But they're the only thing that you can truly call your own

Don't forget your second wind
Wait in that corner until that breeze blows in

Pull the Wool by G. Love
Lies in the nest never ever let the birds know rest
Lies in the nest never ever let the birds know rest
Lies in the nest never ever let the birds know rest

I can forgive, but I never can forget and lies in the nest never
Ever gave the birds no rest
Bricks built without straw were so weak they crumbled
To mud, just as your excuse with truth left you easily undone
Dont you run away

Dont you pull the wool over my eyes
Dont you pull the wool over my eyes
Dont you pull the wool over my eyes

(Long) Gone by Kenny Wayne Shepherd
Don't cry baby, you did nothin' wrong
Don't ask why this stone keeps rollin'
It's just goin', goin', goin'
Long gone

You can think whatever you want to baby
Believe whatever you wanna believe
Deep in my heart I've loved you
But my heart's like a tumbleweed

Jesus Children of America by Stevie Wonder
Say Transcendental
Meditation
Speaks of inner
Preservation
Well...
Transcendental meditation gives you peace of mind

You'd better tell
Your story fast...
And if you lie
It will come to pass...

Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing by Stevie Wonder
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama
Cause I'll be standing on the side
When you check it out...
When you get it off...your trip

Everybody needs a change
A chance to check out the new
But you're the only one to see
The changes you take yourself through

I am creating laughter for myself today and letting go of mental chatter.

Intent for Gratitude

I am leaving behind anger, regret, sadness and hope and creating gratitude for myself this week.

I have learned three important lessons in the past month and they are not only worthy of posting but worthy of integrating fully, with intent and purpose, into my life such that they are forever lasting and memorable:

1. I am a free and intimate man, growing and succeeding. This is not up for dispute, not a fact to be tampered with in the annals of history or changed over time. I am. I am enough.
   - Me
   
2. Winners never quit. And quitters never win.
   - Lisa Nichols
   
3. Standing in trust I let The Universe be The Universe as Me. Gratefully I let it be. And so it is.
   - Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith

Thanks to my father for providing the following poem by George Wither, 1622.

Shall I Wasting in Despair

Shall I, wasting in despair,
Die because a woman's fair?
Shall my cheeks look pale and fair,
Because another's rosy are?
Be she fairer than the day,
or the flowrie meads of May;
Yet if she be not such to me,
What care I how fair she be?

Shall my foolish heart be pin'd
'Cause I see a woman kind?
Or with a well-disposed nature,
Joined with a lovely feature?
Be she kind, or meeker than
Turtle-dove or pelican;
If she be not so to me,
What care I how kind she be?

Great, or good, or kind, or fair,
I will ne'er the more dispair
I she love me, this believe,
I will die ere she shall grieve.
If she slight me when I woo,
I can slight and let her go;
If she be not fit for
me,
What care I for whom she be?

Shall a woman's virtues move
Me to perish for her love?
Or her merits value known,
Make me quite forget mine own?
Be she with that goodness blest,
Which may gain her name of Best;
If she be not such to me,
What care I how good she be?

Temporary Loss of the Light

I spent three long weeks planning
fanning out the cards for my life.
Thought i'd shaken the feeling
of the temporary loss of the light

And I smiled and I joked and poked
fun at the way things might have been,
Only to see the blood rush from me
as she sadly but slowly lost her grin.

Now it's six long days later and
I'm richer than I'd really hoped to be
spent my hours resting in a setting
that makes my soul yearn to sing.

Hey mister, where did you find the light
and hey sister, you surely are a sight
But whoa, listen, I'm not so sure that this is just alright.

Just eight short hours ago I found
the four laws that I think I should have known,
and I wrote them down on paper
just to savor that I'm really not alone.

There's existence of suffering
and no smothering can make it disappear.
The cause is overwhelming and the
ignorance can make us live in fear.

And there's a path to cessation that's
elation when you surely see the light.
An illuminated pathway eight-steps
long that sure feels like it's right.

Hey mister, where did you find the light
and hey sister, you surely are a sight
But whoa, listen, I'm not so sure that this is just alright.

I'm a hungry raven who's just yearning
to pick up the scraps of my soul.
I'm a strong and driven hero
with zero care that I am growing old.

Or a single thick blade of grass that's crass
but can waver in the wind.
I'm a shimmering blade who was made to save
but whose strength will not rescind.

Well in the days before us I will
try my best to manifest no sins;
and be a man with judgment who does not judge
because judgment never wins.

Hey mister, where did you find the light
and hey sister, you surely are a sight
But whoa, listen, I'm not so sure that this is just alright.

Mrs. Potter's Lullaby by Counting Crows

Well I woke up in mid afternoon cause that's when it all hurts the most
I dream I never know anyone at the party and I'm always the host
If dreams are like movies then memories are films about ghosts
You can never escape, you can only move south down the coast
Well I am an idiot walking a tightrope of fortune and fame
I am an acrobat swinging trapezes through circles of flame
If you've never stared off into the distance then your life is a shame
And though I'll never forget your face sometimes
I can't remember my name

Hey, Mrs. Potter, don't cry
Hey, Mrs. Potter, I know why
But, hey, Mrs. Potter, won't you talk to me
Well there's a piece of Maria in every song that I sing
And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings
And there is always one last light to turn out and one last bell to ring
And the last one out of the circus has to lock up everything
Or the elephants will get out and forget to remember what you said
Oh and the ghosts of the tilt-o-whirl will linger inside of your head
Oh and the Ferris wheel junkies will spin there forever instead
When I see you, a blanket of stars covers me in my bed
Hey, Mrs. Potter, don't go, I said
Hey, Mrs. Potter, I don't know, but
Hey, Mrs. Potter, won't you talk to me
Well all the blue light reflections that color my mind when I sleep
And the lovesick rejections that accompany the company I keep
All the razor perceptions that cut just a little too deep
Hey, I can bleed as well as anyone but I need someone to help me sleep
So I throw my hand into the air and it swims in the beams
It's just a brief interruption of the swirling dust sparkle jet stream
Well I know I don't know you and you're probably not what you seem
Aw, but I'd sure like to find out
So why don't you climb down off that movie screen
Hey, Mrs. Potter, don't turn
Hey, Mrs. Potter, I burn for you
Hey, Mrs. Potter, won't you talk to me
When the last king of Hollywood shatters his glass on the floor
And orders another
Well, I wonder what he did that for
That's when I know that I have to get out cause I have been there before
So I gave up my seat at the bar and I head for the door. Yeah.
We drove out to the desert just to lie down beneath this bowl of stars
We stand up in the Palace, like it's the last of the great pioneer town bars
Aw, we shout out these songs against the clang of electric guitars
Well, you can see a million miles tonight
But you can't get very far
Aw, you can see a million miles tonight
But you can't get very far
Hey, Mrs. Potter, I won't touch and
Hey, Mrs. Potter, it's not much but
Hey, Mrs. Potter, won't you talk to me [3X]

http://www.geffen.com/artist/player/default.aspx/mid/2224/aid/83

Expiration date conspiracy

It is my not-so-firm-but-just-nuts-enough-to-blog-about belief that Expiration and Use By dates are a conspiracy by supermarket companies and food manufacturers to convince people to by new products even though the old products are just fine.

Now, as a caveat to the conspiracy theory one must keep in mind that it ONLY applies to condiments. I do realize that milk goes bad and eggs get rotten. But what about condiments? WHY do they have an expiration date? For the love of God, vinegar has been used as a preservative for thousands of years! And yet horseradish (consumed yearly in mass quantities by Jews every year for Passover and at Christmas for prime rib dinners) expires about 1 year after purchase. That's right, it expires JUST in time for the holidays! And who would feed their beloved guests something that is expired? Nobody, that's who. So we all throw out the old horseradish and buy new horseradish.

Catsup/Ketchup also expires. It's 'Use by' is a bit longer than horseradish but despite the fact that it is left, unrefrigerated, on restaurant tables for days upon end because it has a natural preservative (again, vinegar), it needs to be used by a consumer within 18 months. Why? Does it taste different? With mostly sugar and water and vinegar I would think it'd probably taste even better over time as the water evaporates and sugar content goes up. I'm not a chemist, I'm an IT geek. So I could be wrong on that. But does it matter? The reality is that pickles preserved in vinegar will stay edible through the next nuclear holocaust. Vinegar is what the cockroaches will be drinking in little martini glasses when the world ends. So how does it magically 'expire' in my fridge just because there is a spicy chopped up root floating in it?

The answer: it doesn't. But the grocery store loves it when I come back every year and buy more horsey sauce for my gefilte fish. They love it even more when I 'recycle' my pickles (yes, they expire), mustard (yes), catsup (yes), salad dressings and marinades (yes and yes). So for now I'll have to rely on my girlfriend, the cleaning lady or possibly my mother to come over to take condiments out of rotation. Because I won't replace them. I won't provide Heinz, Hellman's and Kikoman the joy of 10% year-over-year growth in a static industry. The buck stops here!

Now I realize, in summary, that the use by dates for condiments are for 'ideal freshness' or optimal flavor. But you know something? If it ain't true why are Americans so paranoid about expiration dates and anti-bacterial sprays and mists and decontamination and ... you get the idea.

If you're still not convinced but you hate throwing out all those bottles every year, check this link out and make a horseradish-soy-sauce-caper-Étouffée.

Holiday Photos

I've switched to Picasa officially. The new Yahoo Photos is possibly worse than the old one which I thought was absolutely impossible. I gave Flickr a brief try but, having been purchased by Yahoo, it now sucks too. The Yahoo Mail is still in beta but it's so slow at times I'm also thinking of permanently switching to Google Mail (GMail).

Now I have my blog with Google (you're reading it, Blogger is owned by Google) and my home page and search are all Google. Yahoo... better watch your back. When IT guys abandon you it's all over.

12-06 - Channukah Time

12-06 - New Year's