Monday, January 16, 2006

Women Rule? or Women Rule!

Lists of recently elected leaders, male and female instincts and suggested Presidential slogans

Has anybody beside me noticed the abundance of female world leaders lately? It seems like all the news organizations are reporting these powerful women rising to power but nobody is putting two and two together: Men are hairy monkeys, women are sleek.

Lets review:

  1. Chile (that's in South America for all you geography deadbeats) just elected Michelle Bachelet as their first female President. This woman rose to power without the help of any man. That's a first for South America. Everyone else has been the "wife" of a former leader. You go girl.

  2. Germany elected Angela Merkel as the first female Chancellor. This is quite a feat for a country that still wears nothing but black and has a still too-scary-to-believe percentage of folks who wish the Nazi's would come back. Heil Merkel? I doubt it. This is nothing but positive change even though she seems to be siding with President Bush on a few too many issues for my taste.

  3. Liberia just elected their first female President, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. This woman was in jail for similar reasons to Nelson Mandela. What's amazing is that Africa is the most corrupt and backward continent on the planet. It houses double-digits of dictators (or deposed ones). Sirlead is neither a dictator nor a political virgin. She's on the up and up and it looks like a quality change. Side note: Wasn't something positive bound to happen in Africa at some point? Even with no education you make progress eventually.

So where does this leave the USA? Hillary Clinton seems the natural progression of the trend. But that just doesn't feel right for conservatives or liberals. We live in a country where 80% of the geography is filled with 95% of the people that hate. That includes all kinds of top-notch, high quality hatred: black, white, rich, poor, Asian, Jew, you name it. I don't foreseee a woman getting into the most powerful office in the USA anytime soon because, believe it or not, a few of these hatred filled monkey-folk actually vote! But I hope to see the trend of female leadership continue.

Why? Because women, to be quite honest, are just better rulers. They rule, to some extent, the same way they think. There is some semblance of emotion involved. Now the average mid-western red-neck might say something along the lines of, "Damn boy, you want that there Preseedent to be all whinin' and complainin' once a month? You're one damn crazy Jew boy. Ya'll just go back where you came from." To which I say, "Actually, Mr. Neck, based on the average age of the US Presidents, if a woman got elected, she's probably already be post-menopausal... idiot."

Men are not necessarily born leaders. They have no need to nuture others as women do. Why would you think they could nuture a country? Men have the following instincts:
  1. Spread seed of life
  2. Hunt and kill animals to feed ones self
  3. Defend territory from other monkey men
  4. Spread more seed

Given these instincts and the general knowledge of the universe I pose the following question: What the fuck are we thinking?

Lets review the basic instincts of a woman:
  1. Accept seed from first willing monkey to create small monkeys
  2. Gather or grow food to feed self and monkey (monkey comes first)
  3. Nuture mini-monkey into large monkey
  4. Help any non-monkey offspring to find monkey companions and berate them for not being good hunters, seed spreaders, etc. (i.e. Mother-In-Law)

Desperate times call for desperate change. So I present to you, the good people of the USA some slogans for the next Presidential election:

  1. Vote woman, not monkey for the next President.
  2. Monkeys unite to get us the hell out of office.
  3. Less war, more bananas. Women for President.
  4. Go Goddess. A return to the feminine ideal.
  5. Women's lib is on the march. Or was. Whatever.
  6. Roe v Wade is going away. You will be responsible for your seed like never before Wake up Monkey Men!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I'm all for women in have messed up the world it's our turn.

My slogan for the next woman president: a bottle of wine in every stash!

Jiggledy Snork